Freewill

Life would be easier, right?
If we had a structure
A predefined set of rules for us to follow
A dictation which we could brainlessly follow to the letter
A master who saw our lives from the beginning to the end
Simply set us on the right path
Made sure we stuck to it…
And you know what?
We wouldn’t be any wiser for it.

Each time I find my foot conveniently parked in my mouth
Or find myself entangled in the heartache of my own mistakes
“Why didn’t you warn me?”
Even better, “why didn’t you stop me?”
YOU KNEW!
I look accusingly at my master
Even as I kick back that niggling, irritating thought
The knowledge that;
I just had to have my way
Nobody could have stopped me.

And even as you enfold me right back into your loving arms
I ask myself;
“When will I learn to listen?”
“When will I learn to choose right?”
“When will I get the hang of this, of making the right choices?”
“When will I stop shooting myself in the foot?”
Even as I slump back
Defeated, beaten by my path of choice
Cursing my right to choose
“Who thought me worthy of freewill?”
I am sure; no convinced, I do not need it…

Until I met you; asked you to love me
And you said yes…
Is there anything more beautiful?
Than the look in your eyes as once more I mess up
And once more you choose to draw me close to you
Sometimes, with my head hung low, almost certain
No convinced, that we are done…

I look up and you have that look;
That look that says you know what I did
That look that says that you still think the world of me
That look that twists up my insides
The look of what freewill can do…

How will I know;
Where to go
What to say
What to choose…?

Even as I hold my head in my hands
Feeling the despair of my inevitable failure
Hanging over my head
I hear the strong and sure sound of your voice
Assuring me;
You will guide me
You will direct me
You will light my way…
Your laughing voice;
Reminding me, reminding me that…

… I have the mind of Christ. 1Corinthians 2:16

...and I will soar with You.