When the grading system is flawed.

 I had a conversation about life and you know what, I think let me tell this story as a conversation...

Me: the more i observe people, the more i realise that all the things we stress about aint that important

we make the rules

we make the policies

we choose the way things are run

we choose to follow someone else's vision or method

right or not

thereby suppressing our own

even if they are wrong and we are
right

we conform

we fear to differ

isn't that why the world chases after careers?

because the definition of success and fulfillment has been written down and issued

same way beauty has been defined and we run ourselves dogged getting into the perceived shape of perfection

that terror breaks a man

we were not created to conform

and we lose ourselves when we do

apparently it is meant to make us live better in society

My Friend:  blog!

i know...

Me: but if society's definitions keep changing like the seasons do we stand a chance?

its like having that figure that awards marks but keeps changing the grading system

surely it is all vanity

Me: went all philosophical on u 

My friend: but i agree

that is why i think marks should only be accepted if they come from God

and should only be internalised when you know truly....that is true to you

Me: the devil is a liar

and he does not care a whit about those he uses

the things of this world change according to his strategy

woe to those who chase after them

they are fated to be hamsters

Success, as defined by the world is like writing my name in the sand; one moment it is there....

Me: were u suggesting i blog this?

it doesnt sound too angry? 

My Friend: no......i think you were asking questions every human being struggles with from time to time

you dint sound angry...you sounded frustrated but amused also

Me: the frustration comes from knowing that conforming is tempting

it is considered prudent

applauded even

and you are afraid

of never being applauded or recognized a success.

so if you are a singer you change your instinctive facial expression to match the face of success

My Friend: but i wont be used......that is something that i have agreed with myself....some people are perpetual takers......

never giving back....

nedda

i stay away from such succubi

and if i can't...i go above or below or whatever. Some people drain the life from you.

Me: yep

they do

Me: ah, praise God for salvation

Me: ah all is well

thanx for talking

i feel like i have finally started walking in the authority I was given

I believe it also involves recognising when you refuse to be used as a doormat

btw

may I blog this conversation?

THEN...

we went on to talk about... STUFF. My Friend and I.

...and the next it is gone. Washed away with the tide of trend and ever changing human whim.

 Photo Credits: Edith Namuganga. Luzhou, Sichuan Province. China

Quotes: Edith Namuganga

 

It is time...

It is time...

A very ominous-sounding statement, no?

I simply meant to say, 

I am ready...

To write again.

To tell stories... again.

To dream... again.

To simply write... again.

It has been a while.

A long while...

...of writing on demand

...of living in terror of judgement.

What if...

...it doesn't sound right.

...it isn't arranged right.

WHAT IF IT OFFENDS!!!

All those intellectuals staring at their screens...

Wapi!! I jam! 

I would say bite me, naye such an unhealthy hobby should not be encouraged.

Let's fuel this fire, yes?

You know, that fire that you feel as you type out something

... scribble down something that is uniquely you...

Kinda like wearing n-colors in the season of greys and browns...

... a bit like dancing to a tune in your head.

... or dancing imperfectly with joyful abandon.

Wamma let us dance to this tune.

You are welcome to watch.

You are welcome to like...

You are welcome to admit...

You want to join me o_0

Wamma come...

Photo Credits: Lin Fan
Location: Luodai, Sichuan, China.

As the Harmonica plays...

The harmonica is playing.
It is framing my thoughts.
Although it provides a melancholy twist to the air,
It is still a musical background to my thoughts...

"He plays the harmonica quite well." my mind comments to itself.
The other part of my mind is absorbed in wonder.
And singing a song of a completely different tempo.

The song is; " I am not forgotten"

My big brother wrote me an email.
And in it was a reminder that I am loved.

No, wait!

Yes, my big brother loves me.

The contents of his email were the reminder:

They spoke of Jehovah El Shaddai.
My daddy, the one with so many names.
The One who is teaching me what life with a father is like.

I do have an earthly father, but I did not get much time with him growing up.
And I guess the years of separation affect how close and how open you can get...
But as I get to know this Father, I have come to love that father even more...
Let me share what my big brother shared:

He wrote:

El Shaddai means:

1.    The All Sufficient One.

2.   God Almighty (In English language).

3.   He Heaps Benefits.

4.   He Pours out Blessings.

5.   He Abundantly Blesses with all manner of blessings ( health,favour,love,joy,peace,patience,kindness,goodness,faithfulness,gentleness, self-control, forgiveness name it).

6.   The All Sufficient Sustainer.

7.   One who Satisfies( am reminded of the song that with long life, He will satisfy me, He will satisfy me…..Only You can satisfy)

8.   One who Supplies.

9.   One who Nourishes.

May the LORD El Shaddai watch over you, reveal Himself and constantly assure you that you’re right in His safest hands ever.

And as tears crept into my eyes and flowed down my face, I have been reminded.
He is right here and he is watching over me.

1 Peter 5:7Amplified Bible (AMP)

⁷ Casting the ^[a]whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, ^[b]once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you ^[c]watchfully.

Of Visions and Dreams

I had a vision of my life 

I saw a lovely sight that warmed my heart.
I had a dream of my future 
It had you in it.

I had a hope for my life,
A hope that held you with it.
I had a hope, and I held it close.

I had a vision
You too had a vision
I was not in it.

Edith

Beautiful and Empty

Any form of disagreement is hard to take.
Sometimes, it makes you feel broken.
A little dead on the inside.
At least that is what I thought I felt...
But...

I subscribe to a different law.
So I do not mourn as one without hope.
My end was written from the beginning and it is beautiful...

I am persuaded. Fully persuaded.

Romans 8:38-39.

Photo Credits: Edith Namuganga

Living excellently.

Living excellently.

Excerpt from Promises for your everyday life, a daily devotional. ~Joyce Meyer
Pursue the Excellence of Daniel (Daniel 6:3)

"Daniel is a man in the Bible who is described as having an 'excellent spirit.' He lived to glorify God with his life, no matter what it cost him. I want to encourage you to live with that same excellent spirit. Be determined to really live for God. As you do, you'll fulfill your true purpose and glorify God in everything you do, just like Daniel."

Short Prayer:  

I know you are making me. At every turn, you give me instructions for my next step.
My author and perfecter. The one who never sleeps nor slumbers. I hand over control.

Growing in you... at Kwagalakwe Farm

 Photo Credits: Edith Namuganga

Looking for his opinion in the Word

Looking for his opinion in the Word

The word is alive

Excerpt from Promises for your everyday life, a daily devotional by Joyce Meyer

Find the Answers and Power You Need in the Word (Hebrews4:12)

"If you can't think of anything right away, thumb through the concordance and pick a subject that grabs your attention. Begin looking at all scriptures referenced with this word and read them. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you and reveal truth to you. No matter where you start, remember that the Word is alive and has something for you today!"

I have been frozen in place many times, terrified of making the wrong decision or making a choice outside God's will for me. But you know what, Philemon 1:6 says I need to acknowledge (take notice of and admit the presence of) certain gifts, skills, strengths... from God that we know we haven't worked on or think we do not deserve.  He has given them to you, stop thinking you need to work on something a bit more to get there. If he says it is there, then it is. 

Examples; "by His stripes you were healed" note the tense; "you have the mind of Christ" again, note the tense; "the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in you" again, observe the tense. 

Maybe it is our cause-effect way of thinking, maybe it is what we have been taught, maybe, maybe... whatever it is, we are asked to discard it and simply receive... 

 

Note to self: Reading the word to learn his opinion about my specific situation is a great way to make decisions.

Photo Credits: Edith Namuganga

Celebrating the gift of a new day

Celebrating the gift of a new day

Psalm 118: 24

"This is the day you've made, and I will rejoice and be glad..."

In the past I used to think I could only be happy if and only if every area of my life was in order. So I would fret over one thing, as soon as that was resolved, I would pick up the next thing in line and so on...

My joy is not tied to the events or lack thereof in my life. For some people they would rush in and call this denial and I would respectfully ask them to be calm.

Excerpt from today's devotional reading.

Every Day Is a New Day~~Joyce Meyer (Promises for your everyday life, a daily devotional)

"God wants us to have joy in the midst of our ordinary, everyday life, even on the worst days of our life... I was so wrapped up in worry that I was missing the point: God had created a new day, and He created it so that I could enjoy it."

Something for you to think about:

You have, for all these years, been realistic, acknowledged and mourned over every miserable event, every challenge, every loss and every fear that you have faced. What has it given you? Oh? You are well grounded. Ok.

I get why facing one's fear can be helpful, but inviting it in to live, simply because it exists, no.  Matthew 6:25-34 asks me not to worry. In fact it challenges me.

To worry has become instinctive because it has been touted as a sign of taking responsibility. But has worrying ever payed the bill? No! I still had to clearly think to find a way to make money to pay that bill.

Anyway, I have justified my worry so many times and it honestly made me feel like I was doing something about my situation. I was talking to a friend, she was concerned about her relationship, scared it would go the way of the failed relationships in her past and that she had seen her friends have. I dared her to rest in the promises of God. After all, we all know worrying doesn't a good relationship make.

Every fear that rears its head at me, I look it in the eye, and remind it of these promises. God does keep his word. In that I can rest and not have to carry the load of my fears on my face as a sign of being realistic.

So today, and every day from today, let us wake up every day at peace and celebrating the gift of a new day. Because trust me, at the least you will see a lovely person who will make you smile.

Everyday is a new day.... Boma, Fort Portal, Uganda

Photo Credits: Edith Namuganga

Sailing through the storm

Sailing through the storm

I am currently reading Joyce Meyer's Promises of Everyday Life devotion, I thought I would share what i have been learning with you :)

I am going to leave out her notes and simply share mine, feel free to subscribe for the devotional and read it with me. It has some great thought starters.

I will share what I learned today. I would like to point out, that as you read the word, be expectant. Know with certainty the the word will be relevant and be of use to rebuke, correct and  encourage.

Dealing with Emotions While Grieving ~Joyce Meyer

Bible reference Psalm 42:5

"The Bible talks of how King David was feeling depressed but he resisted it. He didn't sink into it or get into the pit of despair. He described how he felt, but he made a decision not to live by his feelings. He praised and trusted in God."

My Notes:

Right now, I am learning to simply look pain in the eye and tell it my father is faithful to his word. Joy will come in the morning, just like he said. And he will hold me through the night.
Many times we assume that Psalm 30: 5 “sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning” means we will be going through hard times alone, with God waiting for us at the end of the tunnel. His word says that Psalm 23:4 “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and staff they comfort me” Even when we are wrong and it's clearly our fault, he guides us out.
Romans 8:28 "All things work together for good for them who love the Lord, for those who are called according to his purpose”
Allow yourself to be guided by his Spirit, through life, or the minefields of your own mistakes. He is faithful to his word.
Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and of a good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you whithersoever thous goest”

Key word: Whithersoever.

Khaya iBhubesi, Parys Free State, South Africa

 Photo Credits: Edith Namuganga

My beloved

I have been learning to listen to God and trust that I hear him, but recently, I have been doubting my hearing. My fear of being wrong was so overwhelming, I refused to be comforted or listen to him anymore, but did he cease to speak to me? Did his words fall out of sync with my life? No, not even once. I was asking if he was even with me as I stressed about money for winter clothes, how I would survive, food, new phone, fellowship of believers and the whole day... this is all he had to say to me.

Joshua 1:9

Today, I woke up thinking about exercise and how unfit I am... And refused to exercise. Guess what? That is exactly what He and I talked about today.

My fears,

Tell me my beloved is not relevant in this situation!

Tell me my father is not bothered by my fears!

Tell me I have been left alone to my own clumsy strength!

I dare you to tell me I have been forgotten, 'cause I am itching to throw your taunts back in your face!

I am my beloved's and he is mine.

Letting people BE

Hey all,

I have been silent over the last few months.
But have had quite a number of lessons during that time.
I promise to share from those lessons as time goes on, but today, let me share my most recent learning.

While I was away (read offline), I made a new friend, pretty cool friend. Also great news given that at some point last year I was convinced that I wouldn't make any new friends. Mostly because I was afraid. But that is a story for another day.

So, yesterday evening I got to hangout with this cool person for a few hours, but they were not feeling so great. You know that feeling when somebody is not there because they are preoccupied? Yeah, like that. After a couple of tries, I decided to let it go and just hangout in silence.

In the silent silence...

Why didn't I do that in the first place? This person is anything but silent, if it is not a song, it's probably a funny anecdote. Even in the silence, there is a feeling of an ongoing conversation.

I don't know about you, but silent silences drive me crazy and at some point they become about me; Why aren't they talking to me, did I do something? Did I say something? Can I ask? What if I make them mad? So many questions, until I have worked myself into a full-blown worrier state.

Anyhow, bottom-line is, I did not handle it so well. I totally made it about myself and felt horrible at the end of the day.

This morning, on my way to work, as I was praying in tongues, trying to get myself into the right mood for the day, I realised something.

It is important for me to allow my friends to be. To just BE. And that is all-encompassing. That includes when they are humming and fun and also when they are silent and brooding. That I allow a person to be themselves with me, even if it is not their most charming self.

If I continue down the path of; talk to me, is it me... nag, nag, nag. Then I close off a part of them. They will only show me the happy side or pretend, just to avoid the hassle of explaining their black mood. And that would be a shame. A big shame. 

And that is my lesson for the week, maybe for the day. But it is important and I felt I should share as we go on this journey together. We are being perfected in every area of our lives; finances, ministry, relationships, health... every single aspect.

The cloud does not negate the existence of the sun...

 Quotes and Photo Credits: Edith Namuganga

 

Perfected: For His Glory.

I have been learning about graciousness; let me first google the definition.

So, this is what I found:

Gracious- adjective.
1. courteous, kind, pleasant.
2. (in christian belief) showing divine grace
Synonyms: merciful, compassionate, kind

 What I am learning incorporates showing divine grace and mercy, compassion and kindness, the very nature of God.

I will never leave you, nor forsake you.

I once wrote about how human nature is selfish, yes, even those really nice people you know. We think about self, what another will do for you, what you can get out of a relationship, how it will make you feel when you do something nice for someone...

And being declared "not nice", "mean" firmly placed me in the opposite corner; I was sure there was no good in me. A lie from the pits of hell.
For a while I would do things in the background; make sure a birthday party happens without a hitch, give time, money, encouragement, all the things considered to be "good". BUT still I was not good.

Where am I going with this?
I started relating with God in this same defeated way; of course He knows I am messed up. It is my fault; even the things I had no control over became my fault. You cannot blame people or circumstances, you decide... and similar thoughts echoed in my mind. And I believed them all.

I remember not talking to God if I really wanted something, because of my past, I was sure there was something wrong with wanting things. It is always better to be indifferent, then you will not get hurt if it doesn't work out.

He kept asking me; "Is that what you really think of me?" and after a while of silence, I admitted that, "Yes God, I am afraid you are teaching me a lesson for something I did" and "I probably resent you, because you could have stopped me or simply told me what it was you wanted changed..."

His responses were always unexpected, "Beloved, I find pleasure in you", "I find no blemish", "I rejoice over you" and each time I would respond with an ill-humored, "why". I would be met with silence.

This silence was not because He did not know what to say; He was saying that He saw me, even better than I saw myself and what He saw was beautiful. I could not understand it.

How do you understand unconditional love when your own love is filled with conditions, strings, "if-statements" and deadlines?

While we were yet sinners, He loved us.

I am loved because I am loved; totally has nothing to do with me and yet has everything to do with me. He chose to love me. He is not blind. He sees me and He loves me.

THEN He started asking me to treat those around me in the same way and I was like; "NO WAY! Have you seen those people???"

Clearly this shows you the state of my heart.

I am learning to treat with grace, those around me. To believe all things, hope all things, rejoice over them... nothing to do with them, everything to do with them.

You know how you make someone mad and apologise and expect them to forget all about it, not treat you any different? Yes?
That is exactly how you should treat them when they wrong you.

This is what I am learning. Of course it cuts across a number of things and as I meditate on it, I find even more applications of this lesson.

I tried, in my own strength, to be a good person yet all the while He was working to perfect me. For His Glory.

Photo Credits: string by Gnu2000 (flickr), Hands by Anand Krshnaswamy

Beautiful in its season.

Today I was learning about seasons:

I have been learning about resting in the season you are in, not watching, envying and wanting other people's seasons
 I think I am in a season of restoration and building, both of which require conscious effort in terms of time and growth. I had a couple of broken relationships that needed my attention; in the past if it was broken, i simply left it alone.

He shall comfort your wastelands...

I felt Father asking me to invest in those things/people that I had given up on; so I thought, "fine, I will deal with it". It is amazing how we overestimate our role in situations. Thinking that simply because you have caught a glimpse of the plan, it is yours to run with.

I am learning; that this season will have to come to its complete end, that the end may bring out a gem. A finely finished product; refined in a fire so hot it burned away all my flaws.  This may sound like a poetic insert, but when you have gone through situations which you really would much rather not be in, so uncomfortable and painful, you will liken them to a fire.

I am learning to be gracious in and out of season; gracious in my wait. Thankful in the hope of a beautifully finished product.

He makes everything beautiful in its season...

I have probably thrown a bunch of lessons together, but i still hope you will see something to take home for your season.

Photo Credit: Edith Namuganga

In Wonder of Your Gift: Life.

A friend insisted that I have a gift and I should share it with those around me.
I secretly did not believe him.
At the time, I thought it was me I would share, and in a sense, it is myself that I share; but he meant much more. I was certain I had nothing to share, after all, it is just plain me...

The beauty and wonder of creation. Experience it. Enjoy it.

Last night  I was overwhelmed with the wonderful gift that life (and its experiences) is:
I had just attended a concert by Sauti Ya Africa, a group of very talented musicians, one of them my voice teacher, and I was feeling blessed.

Living life would be just that;
1. If it were not for the ability to taste our food.
2. If not for the ability to recognise beauty.
3. If not for the ability to feel (love, sadness and the tiny feelings in-between).
4. If not for the newness that comes with every new person.
5. If babies were not so perfect and amazing to look at.
6. If there were no color...
7. Worse still, if there were no music, dance...

It would all fall flat, but I guess we would never realise that. We would not know any different.

As we drove away with a beloved friend, and I watched the play of evening lights on the passing scenary, my heart swelled with gratitude.
How he loves us; to give us the gift of life and love and work and people...

What a great opportunity to experience wonder upon wonder...
I have been taking it for granted, taking it all as normal. But it is not.

I know what I have to do with this gift; I will share with you my wonder, my excitement for being alive.
I will share my lessons; the good and the not so easy...
Come lets us take a trip through this gift.
The gift of life.

Walk through the door. Explore.

Photo Credit: Anand Krishnaswamy

He cares for you, watchfully and affectionately.

He more he loves me, the more I love:

I have had the unfortunate experience of messing up a good number of my relationships, and as I saw people give up on me and our relationship, I would get disheartened.

God has also seen me throw tantrums, speak to him in fear and doubt, so our relationship, hemanly speaking, would have been on the rocks.

But he isn't only human, he is God also, and as he treats me graciously after in insult him, when I would expect rejection, he reveals to me a new way to live and love (rebuking me and instructing me anew).

He will hold you through it all...

As he jealously guards my relationship with him, that "nothing will snatch me out of his hand", not even my own failures.

From the heart of one who has been forgiven much, I would like to say: I love you :)

Photo credit: (the awesome)Anand Krishnaswamy

I will work harder!

I am going to keep it brief and hopefully real:
I haven't been myself for a while, scratch that, for most of my life.
Recently, all I could see were my shortcomings; fact was, i was convinced that all my friends and acquaintances wanted was a perfect version of me.

A couple of people have listened to me moan constantly for months about my imperfections.
"...there is therefore now no condemnation..."
I condemned myself with every word that came out of my mouth and with every thought, I isolated myself to that place where no one's love could reach me.
Not God, not my friends, nobody. I had failed them so I would hide and nurse my failure.

Most of the time I would worry at an incident, turning it this way and that, looking for a way to fix it.
For those who love me, this was a constant rejection of their love and forgiveness.

Giving and receiving love and forgiveness is an interesting thing:
I wanted to be worthy, to be deserving, each time i failed, I would apologise profusely,
even knowing in my mind that all these promises of being a better person would fall by the wayside.
I could not let it go; how will they know i am repentant, if it is not followed by a promise of better behaviour?

I will work harder...

Since their love for me correlated to my performance, i felt like Boxer in George Orwell's animal farm, constantly declaring, "I will work harder" in the hope that that would make everything better.
And I failed, been failing...

Should I stop here?
In the spirit of baring all and making no excuses, I probably should
BUT I will share what I have learned from this painful process.

1. I will not glory in my imperfection, rather I will declare all that is good in me. Even those I am yet to achieve.
2. I will accept graciously the love that is given me as unconditional. I will not question it, but celebrate it daily.
3. I will not entertain imaginations of my loved one's non-existent disappointment. Ever.
4. I will not repeat said suspicions to anyone, especially not my loved ones. Not even myself.
5.I will learn from and not dwell on my failure. I will celebrate every learning.

Photo Credit:photography.ivanmcclellan.com

Who Am I? (Be yourself)

I have been afraid of writing, because I was feared it would be a lie... that I would not speak my heart. But I am learning to trust myself. Trust my heart.

So this is what I came up with...

I am perfect:

Growing up where I did, was growing up with expectations; I have a very supportive family, I cannot complain.

But growing up with all their expectations was hard. Almost each one had a vision for my life, for one, that I will always be at the top in my school, even appear in the national papers for my genius, For another, that I will excel at maths and simply ace every exam and for another that I would receive salvation and be a good kid and for my parents, work hard and have a better life...

All these visions have shaped me into who I am; a human being obsessed with perfection, unrelenting in my criticism of self, a child of God, utterly terrified of disappointing him and barely able to hear his voice amidst all the worry. 

This instance of me, this one version, is the right version... image from forbes.com

I am the likeness of God:

It is laughable how the Word of God describes me at every turn; as one who sees who I am, and forgets my very likeness... 

James 1:23-24 says "For if any be a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself and goeth his way and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was."

For years as a child, I did not look at myself in mirrors; I was convinced I was the fattest, strangest creature alive and it creeped into my adulthood and almost every area of my life.

Somebody else was always better; If I met a guy and he said he liked me, an image of all my lovely, girly girl-friends would come to mind. (I have always been more of a tom-boy, mainly because I hated the girly clothes and shoes... how do I explain that they were plain hideous?) 

I would go on to tell this boy/man about every sweet girly friend in my life, because I had heard all these things about how girls were meant to behave and dress and I was none of that...

I am worthy...

I had stopped writing; maybe what I felt was overwhelming. Or maybe I was afraid.

I missed my writing, I missed my constant companion. I missed my daily pouring out of my heart on paper as my Lord read it... Like the clouds in a drought, I withheld my refreshing goodness. I knew what to say and would not say it. I was not talking to God. 

I had failed.

I was broken and it was my fault. I had no idea how to fix me... I was no longer worthy, my words could no longer be used to bless... I was unworthy.

I am Edith, the son of God.

Until Monday, 10th November 2013, this week... I thought and believed all these things about myself...

I was imperfect, not beautiful or worthy of anyone's notice...

On Monday, my Father rebuked me; he shined a light on all my wrong thoughts and asked me to believe His word. Regardless of my failures, both present and past. He asked me to walk in obedience with Him. Allow healing to surround and comfort my waste-places.

Isaiah 51:3 says "For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving and the voice of melody."

He stopped me, rebuked me, because my words and thoughts were destroying His Beloved, myself.

Hebrews 12:5-11 mentions how I am his son, how he chastens/rebukes so that I may have life...

that I may yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness and be a partaker of his holiness...

Who am I? 

I am who he says I am and right now, that calls for me to shut out all voices except His. Trust that He will give me an identity, remind me of who I am; who He meant me to be.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 says "For I know the thoughts I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you and expected end. Then shall ye call upon me and ye shall go and pray to me and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

I am learning that I am perfect, that I am worthy, regardless of my performance. This instance of me, this one version, is the right version.

I am learning that what my Father says is who I am, whether I see it in the natural or not...

I am confident that He who has begun this good work in me, will be faithful to accomplish it...

Show me how to love;

Show me how to love;

I haven’t been making many friends recently; I seem to have a tendency of bringing up things people would much rather hide, ignore…

Act like nothing happened.

The first time that happened, I was 18 and I felt the leading to speak about abstinence, waiting for a spouse and a relationship sanctioned before God… I got a thundering silence.

I got the feeling that all my words were being cut out of my audience’s minds; clearly I was not saying cool stuff.

In a society where sex is considered sin, until you find the “one” in which case we can ignore all the sin and proceed with the happy event, in or out of marriage.

As I decided to cut my talk short that afternoon; I consulted with God and pleaded with Him not to give me any more impressions to speak on unsavory topics…

Until recently.

I have been learning about immediate obedience and listening for the Spirit’s leading in my life… As promised, if you are listening, you WILL hear…. And I heard.

Heard Him asking me to speak on another unsavory topic; I thought we had understood each other the first time round… clearly not.

This time I had to talk about truthful relationships, intimate relationships; beyond lying to each other, hiding our true feeling behind smiles and sermons.

We have had a season where we are being taught about “doing life together” and you know what, the prospect of pretending for the duration of that life was simply beyond consideration.

To watch people lie to each other “in love” and to be asked to contribute to this farce… 

I have made no friends.

I refuse to countenance duplicity; relationships which are so superficial they have no roots to them. We only choose to go as deep as we are comfortable. An imitation, a resemblance of Christ-like love without the sacrifice… Anything outside this, no, let us walk away. Let us not deal. Lest we actually have to communicate for once in this game we have made of life.

My mind screamed vanity! VANITY!!

I want to make friends, so if I blend in, act like I am not bothered, perhaps this need for truth, this desire to deal and make whole… Perhaps it would let me alone. It did not.

Here I am once again, not making any friends; because I simply cannot, will not, conform to these standards…

There must be more than this.

My Father calls me to intimacy; where I will speak my heart and mind to Him, where He protects my feelings and sees me. All of me.

He calls us to the same intimacy with each other…

When God called Adam, “Adam, where are you?” and Adam replies something like “…back here coz we realized we were naked…” that must be where walls were born.

Walls between man and God; Walls between man and man… It went beyond our nakedness to who we were; our spirits lost that intimate contact.

We are called back to that intimate contact, that fellowship that goes beyond politically correct niceties. Ever wondered why we are asked over and over to love one another? To extend God’s love to each other?

I will let you think on that; think on the kind of love he calls you to with himself and then let me know how he calls you to love those you are “doing life” with.

I may not have received this revelation in full… but you and I both know duplicity is not our portion. We are called to greater; in every single way.

Let me say what doing life together means to my simple mind, which is the mind of Christ, might I add…

To love/do life together means;

•    To care enough to stay, even when you do not have all the answers.
•    To seek to understand what lies behind those walls.
•    To seek to protect, with the same vigilance, that which the other protects behind those walls.
•    To uproot those things that would choke life out of the one you love, even when they may not thank you for it.
•    To hope all things
•    To believe all things

Do not get me wrong; I do not say you condone sin where it is, neither am I saying you beat the one you love with rebuke at every opportunity.

No, love is gracious.

To be gracious is not so much about the tone of voice, but in the intention, the choice of timing, audience, and phrasing…

To love is to protect that which your beloved treasures.

It is to cover a multitude of sin; that means not broadcasting one another’s weaknesses in the name of testimony or prayer requests. It means that even if it would be the perfect analogy for a much needed sermon, you seek permission and if it is denied, you protect that privacy.

It means to close ranks about your beloved and protect them from condemnation, even your own. Especially your own.

There must be more than this… It is called love.